Columns - "I'm a Trend Pimp" 01.01.03

My holiday is over. Time to get back to the office. Why? Why not? I have been listening to some killer music over the past few months. Especially in these times of woe and want… After my near-fatal car crash—didn’t I tell you—I flipped my Honda Civic off of a highway bridge, nothing too high, but I landed right into the Wallkill River. Yeah, my friend and I got out all right, with only minor cuts and bruises, amazingly, but my car floated down the river and outta sight. So being grounded to my house and to anything within walking distance leaves one to seek out things/objects to kill yr mind. Alcohol, LSD, and sex worked okay for a while, but they lack the true mental orgasm that is rock n rollll. So that’s where this column comes into thee blank generation world of disorder. It’s not about thought. That is lame and pointless. It’s about killing your ears and mind till yr numb to any emotion and everything is “pussy.” Yr all pussies. I’m pussy. Rock N Roll………the rock n n n n n roll I am about to talk about…………is not pussy………no, fuck that…it’s all pussy.

Sooo…top tens…or top whatevers of 2002, the year from HELLL. Early stuff, the HOTWIRES 10”…LE TIGRE “remix” 12” (Mr. Lady), All ON/ON SWITCH records, CHROMATICS 12” (Hand Held Heart), MYSTERY GIRLS CD on Trickknee Prod, that A-FRAMES LP…(www.dragnetrecords.com)…whew! The FLESH CDEP…3 songs of killer precision… VIRGIN MEGA WHORE 7” on Heartattack…miittaa came out in 2001…not sure…but it’s good. And my SICK LIPSTICK records…they are keeping my love of BLACK CAT #13 alive…2nd fav band of all time, bitch! Next to the great TEENGENERATE, of course…

Okay, that takes care of the records that I have already reviewed earlier last year…now for the new/or/old/stuff.

KELLY OSBOURNE’s “Shut Up!” CD…oh yeah! Total pop punk with snot and seizures! Balls and monsters inc. Get this CD if you like PRETTY GIRLS MAKE GRAVES mix with the JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS soundtrack. Really…

INTERPOL “Turn on the Bright Lights” CD on (www.matadorrecords.com) is a post-punk/goth masterpiece with all the indie creds to send ‘em to 120 mins… But seriously, this CD goes together well with my RADAR SECRET SERVICE record, with is equally as engaging and this dark, musty caldron.

The WALKMEN released a CD in………march…maybe, called “Everyone Who Pretended to Like Me is Gone” on Startime Records…wow. The WALKMEN are one of those bands from NYC that are getting some press…they’re on Troubleman…the whole nine…but fuck if their music isn’t some of the best written rock n roll I’ve ever heard. Sparse, minimalist, piano, guitar, killer drums, and other stuff. If yr a Strokes fan and don’t own this record…fuckin’ get with it! If not, at least listen to the sweetsweet sounds of a band who knows how to written a clever tune and throw some lyrics obscure on top that’ll give you flashbacks of yr youth…and yr demise.

FLYING BOMB RECORDS sent me two 45s, RAEL REAN “Adjust A Girl” and the KILL-A-WATTS “Let’s Get High Voltage.” RAEL REAN is some poppy, scientific punk (invented by the A-FRAMES…probably not, but let’s say that anyway…) that’s decent, but not overwhelming… But anything that’s compared to the A-FRAMES is worth a look. The KILL-A-WATTS spark up three more hits in the snotty RIPOFF RECORDS garage punk caliber. Short, fast, and powerful, the KILL-A-WATTS don’t fuck around when the guitars are turn up. Agitate, don’t imitate. (www.flyingbomb.com)

And from my pal Bart of BIG NECK RECORDS…he was so, so, so kind enough to send me a copy of the BASEBALL FURIES “Greater Than Ever” CD. These fuckers haven’t really hit me until now. If I were fifteen years old these kids would be my TEENGENERATE. They have all the hooks and 70’s punk of the KIDS, VIBRATORS, and NUBS mixed with a lofi garage punk attitude that can only come from much hate and drugs. I’m twenty-three and the BASEBALL FURIES are my new TEENGENERATE. I have a new TEENGENERATE! Happy days! The other CD Bart through in was the BLOWTOPS “Blackstatic.” Not the chaoticly/fuzzball on the turntable noise that I expected, but the music is still killer. DEAD BOYS in a grave and with a rotten mind… (www.bigneckrecords.com)

After that nooooooooo-wavvvvvvv rocker 12” by THE SICK LIPSTICK I picked up on SOUND VIRUS (www.sound-virus.com), I decided to check out what other releases they could knock me out with. Well, the LIARS "we no longer know who we were" was just released a short while ago, and if you haven’t heard of these Brooklyn kids, yr missing out. Total GANG OF FOUR punk with a neoteric twist of lemon and sugar... The SOUND VIRUS record I picked up is three songs that are a demo of sorts…all three blow most of the competition out of the water, but they can’t hold a candle to the LIARS newest creations. So, if yr super-fan…get it now. If yr an average, poor college student blowing yr money on blow, sniff away, kid. The other record I checked out was the RED LIGHT STING “Our Love Is Soaking In It” 12”. It’s keyboard (a +++) driven indie/punk/semi-h-core that has lotsa of strange yet enlightening breaks and song progressions. A fair amount of attitude and devotion went into this record…it shows…and it’s worth a listen.

The FEMME FATALE “As You Sow, So Shall You Reap” “Fire Baptism” LPs has been ruling my stereo for a month or so. Total blitz hardcore punk with modern synths and “metallic” guitars, as Shaun Anagram put it, that aren’t pussie at all. Feelings…they’re coming back…no…numbing again… Noise, yelling, and metallic guitars…it’s all here. It’s all happening. (www.acherecords.com) (www.thebetabeat.com)

Another record that I’m a bit ashamed of listening to and falling head over heals for is the PRETTY GIRLS MAKE GRAVES “Good Health” CD. I’m sorry, but they’re what poppunk should have turned into…it has balls and a killer guitar sound…produced just right…and anthem-like lyrics…poetry and distortion mixed into the neo-pop[punk] for the new crop of kiddies entering our 911 world. Worth every cent. (www.lookoutrecords.com)

BLOW UP, not the EMPTY RECORDS group, it’s on BLOOD OF THE YOUNG (www.blood-of-the-young.com), is another must have CD for this year. They’re like the LOCUST, only a million times better. Noisecore mixed with synths and songs that never sound alike; a true noise rarity… If I find more info I’ll share it… Song titles to search for are – “Super Mario Fuckers,” “Spastic Colon,” and “Cupid Aims At The Heart.” Do anything for a copy. Fuck a goat!

Shaun Anagram slid me a copy of LES GEORGES LENINGRAD while I was visiting him in Montreal, Canada. Again, I have no info for ya…but if yr in Montreal you should be able to find the CD or LP… Anyway, LES GEORGES LENINGRAD is an art-punk flick to the ear. It throbs. It’s raw and painful to listen to…which is why I love it. Simple beats and rhythms with synths and blistering guitars and bomps…

But yr homework assignment to so look up these groups and come to class prepared. I only have soooooo many #2 Pencils.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!ENDNOTES are FOR PUSSIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11111111) Saw GLASS CANDY & THE SHATTERED THEATRE @ the North Six in Brooklyn… They were good…it was 2 in the morning and I was about to keel over…but nice, cool, and totally unprepared punk artt.

222) THE PIRANHAS were amazing live in november…ohhhmannnnn……ssail…but next time I wanna see ‘em in their element.

3333) If you choose to send me records be prepared for me NOT to talk about them because they are too pussie. Send them to another Blank Generation staff member. Yr better off…

4444444) address for those who have the gall – joseph the great 322 saracino dr. maybrook, ny 12543, usa.

 

I’m nobody’s pimp,
joee

 
 
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