Columns - "I'm a Trend Pimp" 02.01.03

It’s February…the month of love and pussie! And those candy hearts! Yum…So I’m playing catch up with some of the records that were sent to me, like, over 3 three 3 months ago…Lucky, I haven’t had any new shite sent to me…THANK GOD! Now I can just focus on music that excites me…and not have that “conscience” in the back of my skull telling me, “Dude, they did go through the trouble of sending you a record…just review it…”
“FUCK YOU CONSCIENCE! Those records sucked!”
So that being said, let’s get on with it, shall we…
So I got the “Silent Fantasy” CDEP on Tigerbeat 6 by a group called CRACK W.A.R; that’s CRACK: WE ARE ROCK. Synths, beatboxes, hooker legs, and caves…that’s CRACK W.A.R… If yr into TRACY & THE PLASTICS, that’ll give you an inkling into the minds of these boys and girls…it’s eerie in the CRACK W.A.R…like a dark and dusty attic with unlocked wooded chests full of old Victorian Age pictures of yr family…you know the ones…pictures of people not smiling cause they have to stand there for hours for the film to capture their image…unsettling…like the CRACK W.A.R. (
The BLACK EYES from D.C. are one of my favorite new bands… They have a hardcore perception joined with the artt-punk and bizarre sounds…two fucking drummers…lotsa cider…cyclic screams and bass lines to insane rhythm and guitars…The BLACK EYES have two 7”s out and a full length coming out on Dischord. (
The FEMALE ANCHOR OF SADE is another one of those BLACK DICE/WOLF EYES type noisecore bands that I’ve taken a liking to as of late… The “Tanks to Everyone” 10” (which came out in…1999 or 2000…not sure) relies less on effects and more on spacious, drawn-out compositions that gradually bust out into screams of discourse and malice. Plenty of distorted bass/guitars, synths, and jazzy drumming light up this 10” with a fire that burns down the house. Check ‘em all out! (
And while I’m on a hardcore kick, I forgot to mention the DEATH FROM ABOVE 12”/CD that came out on Ache Records in Canada in my last column. A part of the Canadian invasion that has been secretly taking over the USA, DEATH FROM ABOVE contains Jesse of the famed BLACK CAT #13. It’s a told hardcore punk blitzkrieg on yr earlobes. Pulsating beats and hyperactive power chords that blaze out of the stereo…the vocals are kind of irritating if yr not too into the MISFITS (you know…those extended whooos and wooooohhhs), but it can be over looked since the music is so vicious. Six songs that are a blast to the moon… (
Yaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy!!!!!! A neuu SOCIALS record!! Cool… This is Mr. Shawn Abnoxious’ band, for those who can’t make it through his columns…  :)  Anyways, I like the recording on “Narrow Minded Entertainment for a Close Minded America” a hellva a lot more than the last record he sent me…It's a little more raw…a little more fury her'… So the NEOTERIC PUNK/WAVE in full effect here…start up the Killed by Death punk with a modern lemon-twist… Any neo-citizen who likes clever lyrics and odd/art-punk-esque tunes should hunt down the SOCIALS like wild animals… “Soviet Champs,” “U Dance U Die,” “Dead In A River,” and the inspired “Aramchek”…animals… (, Stay Real PO Box 18051 Fairfield, Ohio 45018)
Dude! It’s like the HOLLYWOOD BRATS’ and SUPERGRASS’ kids started a band and kicked out the jams! The PRETTY GIRLS are a rock n roll/punk/pop band with a soul and sensitivity for the bomp…same old shite with a refreshing slap in the face…Britpop! Red marks on yr ass…you kinky fucck! The PRETTY GIRLS are rrrollin down yr street…eyeliner, tight jeans…the bad kids in yr town who can’t even skateboard! Fuck that pussie shite! It’s all about getting PRETTY GIRLS. (
The FM KNIVES! Yeah, a bunch of Blank Generationeers have already chimed in on this record, but fuck it if I can’t declare my love for this band too! “Useless & Modern” is a catchy punk rock punch to yr gullet! Total DICKIES/BOYS/BUZZCOCKS 70’s punk with the fresh scent of teenage misery, if I were 15, this album would be my manifesto. (
The STITCHES have another punk rock record out called “Five More Songs…” on the fabulous Kapow Records. Nothin’ really new her’…just some stuff off of some 7”s/10”s they had on Kapow! and GSL…so, if you missed out, the CD will satisfy yr taste for snotty 70’sstyled punk. The CD also includes some videos you can view on yr computers…though I don’t think they worked on my mac…whatever…nerd stuff…Kapow! also sent me some new STARVATIONS CDEP…and…I not reviewing stuff I don’t like anymore…but fuck, I like their first 7”…then they went all country punk…it’s good if you like that stuff…but I want that first 7” AGAIN!!!! ehhhhh………I’ll just give it to my friend Liana… (
Hideo sent me his band SWEET JAP’s first full length out on 1+2 Records. Anyone fuck into early REGISTRATORS and modern garage punk outta Japan will blow loads over SWEET JAP. They bust out into guitar solos and screams, crash the cymbals into the walls, and overall kill yr ears with sonic trouble. Goddamn, the heat…the heat…(
PS – Hideo sent me some other records which I lost…or misplaced…they might be in my car…anyway, when I find that TREEBERRYS CDEP I’ll get back to ya…
Goodbye Boozy Records sent me this 7” by a group called BBQ a long while ago…limited to 300 and probably already sold out, BBQ is Mark, of the SPACESHITS/LES SEXARENOS, I think…and if you dig the way out sounds of the SPACESHITS and the 1950’s suzy q rock n roll…well then…what the fuck! BBQ, the one-man-band, is killer garage and woulda been on my top 2002 list if I had bothered to listen to it earlier…sorry Mr. Boozy…anyway…try and find it…(Goodbye Boozy Records c/o Gabriele Di Gregorio Via Villa Pompetti, 147 64020 S. Nicolò a Tordino Teramo, Italy)
Lastly, I am gonna talk about one fantastical album that’s probably been overlooked by most people out there in Blank Generation Land… The beats on this record are sooooooo sweet and infectious…so…              …And the keyboards that match up with bass beats…THUMP, THUMP… THUMP, THUMP…THUMP… uh! Not to mention each song has such a simplistic, minimalist approach to song writing… In one song they’d place a rhythmic acoustic guitar set to one beat and only add extra instruments like synths, brass, and change-ups during the chorus…straightforward, the way I like. This album is a landmark in pop and should played on MTV so everyone can listen to its beauty. And that record is…………”Justified” by JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE.
Ladies…good morning.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!ENDNOTES are FOR PUSSIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1111) So, I’m going down to the WFMU studios again on valentine's day to watch CRIMSON SWEET record a live set w/ Terre T. I just LUV going to this place…It’s like going home after school when you were a kid. Cause you KNOW yr gonna pig out on Oreos cookies and watch Duck Tales… Not to mention that you can play Asteroids for free! The best radio station on EARTH!!! (
22) Aside from wanting to devote more time to this zine…I’m planning on doing an online video documentary of my scene, which will host…should be fun…
3333) Next month! The distinct similarities between the LOST SOUNDS and tATu! Seriously…
I am nobody’s pimp,

© 2003