Columns - "I'm a Trend Pimp" 09.07.03

Hola! And welcome back to another exciting adventure of “I’m A Trend Pimp’ with yr host, Saint Joseph! Putting a bullet in every new wave girl on keyboards. Every indie rock fag with a corduroy jacket and an Interpol t-shirt on… Every hardcore band with trucker hats on…
 
A couple genres are now banned from blankgeneration.com -
 
Art-Damaged (Whoever thought of this term should be shot. I think it was Kenny)
Neo-New Wave (Keyboards are way gay)
Garage Rock (Only “Garage Punk” ala Rip Off Records is now acceptable)
 
I’d like to start off this column by claiming victory in the battle that ensued over Printed Zines vs. Internet Zines via the MRR article. I, of course, do not blame MRR for printing such an idiotic article as the one that was featured in their May issue; and I thank them for printing my own views on said article. And I even thank what’s-his-face for bothering to answer my complaints with his “zine roundtable” discussion...what a fair squire that boy is... Though a word to the wise, if you made your current views about e-zines known to the world when you had the article printed you could of saved me the time of writing my letter. I am no mind reader. I commented on what was said in the article. And thank you for back peddling and saying what I said is untrue... But alas, I’ve wiped my hands of the matter. On to bigger and more important things, like Surf Girls…
 
One of the best albums released this year is HIDDEN CAMERAS “Smell of Our Own.” My mom sez they kinda sound like THE BEACH BOYS, but they also have a FLAMING LIPS feel. However, the music, being awe-inspiring itself, takes a backseat to the descriptive nature of this album’s uncanny and stunning lyrics. It is full of magnificent visual detail that rivals any of history’s great poets. From the prolific “Ban Marriage,” to the erotic lyrics of “The Man I Am With My Man,” to the influential “The Animals of Prey,” all of the ten tracks on this record are comprehensive and wonderful. (www.sanctuaryrecordsgroup.com)
 
Man, has anyone heard that TEGAN AND SARA “If It Was You” album? No? Yeah, I bet it’s too light for the likes of you. Well, fuck…off… TEGAN AND SARA is a girl pop/alterna-rock group with sugar and bittersweet melodies of amore. This record reminds me of a simpler time in my youth where JULIANA HATFIELD ruled my August month with spinning bottles, cherry bomb pops, and laying in my green hammock under sunny skies were all I cared about. It’s fun in the summer days and nights in cars, or riding your bike down the sandy boardwalk to the arcade. (www.sanctuaryrecordsgroup.com)
 
ERASE ERRATA disappointed me soooooooo much when I saw them with LES GEORGES LENINGRAD last spring at the Knitting Factory. They were too doped up to put on any kind of a show. They didn’t even have any new costumes for me to be dazzled by. That same old black light shined softly on their pale, young faces like the time before...and the time before that... And, fuck that so-called “dance” record? That shit’s sooo weak! Who are those so-called DJs, anyways? God! I hope none of you actually bought that crap. Okay, even though the girls have saddened me all year, things are starting looking up because their sophomore record “At Crystal Palace” is being released this fall by (guess who?) Troubleman Unlimited. Thirteen songs of more of the same art-punk, Slits-veined, post political neuu wave that we saw on the first record is back in full attack. Although many of the tracks on this new album were written back before the first time I saw them in 2001, a lot are crisp new tunes to my ears too. “Owls,” “Surprise It’s Easter,” “The White Horse Is Bucking,” and my most favorite song ERASE ERRATA’S ever wrote - “A Thief Detects The Criminal Elements Of The Rising Class” are some of the more potent tunes on this album. All in all I think this is a grand album that should be on many people’s list as a must have record this month. (www.troublemanunlimited.com)
 
Jim sent me this right before he went on his sabbatical… THE SLEAZIES “Gonna Operate on Myself” 7” is a snotty punk/pop group from Providence, RI blast through the wall…like in those Hawaiian Punch commercials… Total 1977 punk rock. Punchy, deadly infectious to the cerebral cortex… You have all the STITCHES records, right? Well, except those records on TKO, right? Add this 45 to yr collection, or regret it later when they’re on hipster GSL or something… SLEAZIES! PUT OUT A FULL-LENGTH!…preferably not on GSL… (www.rapidpulserecords.com)
 
Big Neck Records! They rock…they do…really… Not many labels are out there like BN… So Bart just put out this PONYS 7”…”Wicked City”…Sludgey garage punk rock n roll…it K.I.L.L.S! Fist-shaking, stuffy barroom swingin’, whisky-lovin’ rock n roll! Side B – “Little Friends” super-catchy rock n roll guitarrrrrrrrr accompanied by an equally catchy keyboard hook…must’ve played that song a dozen times…sooo good… THE FITTS…are they still around? One of Alicja (of the LOST SOUNDS) many bands… This 7” is better than that last one that they sent me years ago…though I dug that one too…This is more garagey and very LOST SOUNDS influenced…soooooo…….if you like “Rats Brains & whatever” era type JayJay lovin’ rock, you’ll like this. (www.bigneckrecords.com)
 
Locals in my “dead” town THE ARMEDALITE RIFLES have finally released their debut 7” on their own record label, Wrinky Dink Records. Those into THE WHO’S mod-rock ‘n’ roll style & substance pooled with THE CLASH/NEWTOWN NEUROTICS heartfelt lyrics and politics shall surely want a copy. Total D.I.Y. punk rock that hardly exists in today’s digital lifestyle. Four tunes that might just save the George Bush Youth. (members.fcc.net/rubbiolo)
 
AN ALBATROSS, known for their wild STOOGES antics on stage, have released their second record “We Are The Lazer Viking”. This album comes packed with more of their fervently heated live show’s theatrics with fists, blood, and tight pink pants gushing through the speakers. Taking what THE LOCUST are doing and improving on it with differentiating songs, AN ALBATROSS have combined hardcore emotion with new wave synths and artto-punk dance twists; a difficult feat, but one done with style and sparkles. Hardcore Neu-Vogue for the hipsters on N. 6… (www.acefu.com)
 
Hailing from Canada, the now-Brooklyn residents THE STILLS have all the gloomy pop images to be a sensation. And with a tour with INTERPOL emanated, it looks like they’ll be posed for your town pretty soon. THE STILLS have a post-punked vibe that easily resembles that of the “Three Imaginary Boys” CURE sounds, vacant and echoing down halls of the soiled hotels in London. The “Rememberese” EP is a brilliant beginning for this promising young band. (www.thestills.net)
 
THE BLACK LIPSTICK has ruled my iPod for two weeks straight. They are just irresistible. You can’t resist! These Texans rock all with a cool, swanky VELVET UNDERGROUND casual resonance that sneaks up behind you and wraps it’s jaws around your neck. And before you can even distinguish what it is, it’s all over. The SONIC YOUTH styled guitar wail is apparent, but these boys and girls are all about a rock ‘n’ roll attitude that traces back to the 1960’s. The sexy male/female voices on this record comb over your body like a summer breeze through yr window. Rock ‘N’ Roll can never be buried. Amen to that. (www.peekaboorecords.com)
 
Get Hip sent over a bunch of records…The ones I dug were – BOB HOCKO & THE SWAMP RATS “Disco Still Sucks” CD…More SONICS, 1960’s styled rock n roll…mixed with MC5 thunder to KINKS pop…comes with an informative little booket…oooooh. Ummm…THE DELMONAS! A lovely female trio with a smooth garage rock n roll catchiness that’ll get you shakin’ it. Nothing new, but if yr a 1960’s boy/girl you wanna have it. (www.gethip.com)
 
Did you happen to catch that FIRESTARTER interview in June? Yeah, pretty cool... Well, FIRESTARTER’S second album, “Livin’ On The Heat,” has also been released. Total power pop, punchy and popular with the neon city kids like the latest technology, FIRESTARTER have topped their last album in strides. More shimmering guitars solos, catchy poppy hooks, and bouncy bass lines galore. Fifi, Fink, Sammy, and Jimbo have dropped all TEENGENERATE relations on the side of the road and have moved on. Either move on with them or get the fuck outta their way. (www.recordshopbase.com)
 
The Neoteric Punk/Wave Movement is not dead. Quite the contrary, young mammal, we will kill! Kill! MIRACLE CHOSUKE have a new wave/punk flight-pattern that loops through the sky like a humming bird. Similar to the airport ERASE ERRATA and THE NUMBERS fly in and out of, these newwavv scalpers are out to make your nose bleed. Synth effects added to precision guitar plucking and stop & go beat patterns are what MIRACLE CHOSUKE focuses their energy on. Pop on the wave to fuck. “The 7/8 Wonders Of The World.” Get it. (www.dimmak.com)
 
JAPANTHER! “Leather Wings!” More fuzzed up and popped out keyboards with an effervescent beat that has the dance floors crowded. Discernable lyrics. Inaudible chords. Something like the 80’s wave with an indie rock outlook for the punks playing Space Invaders. (www.menloparkrecordings.com)
 
So I got this DIE MONITR BATSS “Youth Controllers” CD… Yeah, spazzy art-punked rock n roll music… It has that dude from THE GOSSIP… The MONITR BATSS sound like a tin can falling on the ground over and over…Sooooo annoying, yet sooooo fun. Punk-jazz rhythms that are too jagged to swallow mixed with crazy motions of the fantastical. (www.dimmak.com)
 
I saw this band, THE FEVER, a while back in CBGB’s Gallery with THE FLESH. I thought they sucked. They sounded like every other rehash garage-hipster with a keyboard trying/hoping/wishing they could be like THE SONICS. But after listening to this recording I’m amazed. What a turn around! These kids have taken the whole STROKES/NYC sound and flipped it upside-down. If yr fancy is the ROLLING STONES with a STROKES-esque upgrade, you’ll dig on THE FEVER. Their EP “Pink on Pink” is totally fresh, totally NYC. (www.thefeversonline.com)
 
FUCKING MINDFLAYER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKING MINDFLAYER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!
(www.mindflayer.com)
 
 1)))) I saw Lightning Bolt last Saturday and oh my god, oh my god…
 
2)) I want DEMOS!! Never mind yr pretty, shiny new CDs and 7”s… Gimme a CDR or Mini Disc full of basement recordings that sound like you ran them over with a pickup truck.    [ [ [ 322 SARACINO DR. MAYBROOK, NY 12543 ]] ] ]
 
3))))))))))))) The Popular Shapes CD/LP comes out this week or next… BUY IT!!! You won’t regret it!!!! www.ononswitch.com
 
4))))     SOULSEEK!!! Live By It!!!!    User – joedomino
 
5)))) )) ) www.fubar-themovie.com  
 
 
give'r,
 
joeee

 
 
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