Some guy just ran by me screaming that itís 2007. I had no idea. Honestly. It hasnít been my day for a couple years now and thatís no bunk hogwash what-have-youís. My ribs and my teeth are broken and the pain in my ribcage is so excruciating I canít even fuck and believe me buster, I have tried. The doc has prescribed me to amoxicillin and vicoden (sp?) and xanax and my guts are coming up out of my mouth. I mix the meds with alcohol and the effects borderline disgusting and beautiful (watch out for that pile of vomit, Mr. Kroneiss). Thereís a girl babbling over my shoulder about how much of a prick her boyfriend is and Iím wondering why the fuck she doesnít just dump his ass. My funds are rapidly diminishing and Iím trying to get the hell out of Chicago. I have no job skills and Iím barely a high school graduate. Iím drunk at 4 pm and my face itches from the 6 days of stubble Iíve neglected to shave. The madhouse is just around the corner. I can feel it in my bones. So 2006 is really over? Good. I barely remember it. It flew by at such a fast pace and Iíve hopped in and out of town so much and have placed myself in so many different scenes itís really all kind of a blur. 2005 was the year of suicide contemplation. 2006 was the year of TRYING and finally conquering. Though I still have some relatively heart-wrenching problems Iím sitting here at 26 years of age and am easily the most ambitious Iíve ever been in my entire life. If I say Iím going to do something I go out and do it. 2007? I have no plans other than to kick this alcohol habit and get out of this motherfucking city. Will it happen? Iím not sure but I wouldnít put money against me. Ps I think making these lists and reading them are boring as all hell.

Best Shit of 2006

11. Music/shows/records by: Chronic Seizure, Upstab, Inmates, Cider, Darvocets, Forward, Lucero, Off With Their Heads, Formaldehyde Junkies, Pedestrians, Rot Shit, Holy Shit!, Poison Idea, Brainhandle, Thin the Herd, Canadian Rifle, Murder Junkies, Everybody Poops, Bill Bondsmen, Catburglars, the Fix, Runnamucks, Conversions, Truthdealer, Dissonance, Out With a Bang, This Bike Is a Pipebomb, Repos.

10. Being able to hold down a steady job despite the shit that Iíve seen, said, and done. If youíve heard the stories you should know theyíre all true.

9. Joining Belligerent Outburst on vocals and rocking Chicago hardcore. Yes, Iím plugging myself and my band.

8. Not getting shot for being white with a shaved head in a ghetto-ass gang-ridden Puerto Rican neighborhood.

7. Meeting and befriending co-worker/nihilist/friend Graham Rae.

6. Noncommercial Recordsí annual 9/11 Conspiracy Fest. There was blood fuckiní everywhere and I snorted coke with the cutest gal in the world.

5. Fucking, dreaming, drinking, in no particular order.

4. Ducking down alleyways and backstreets drunk to make out with a cute girl.

3. Punk shows at the Albion House.

2. Other peopleís heroin addictions. Die die die, you cunt scum!!!

1. Writing, printing, and doing my very first ever print zine Panic Attack and reading it in several bars, bookstores, and coffee shops. If at all interested in getting a copy just write me or read it online here.

Worst Shit of 2006

11. Broken ribs, heart, and teeth. Life can get all up in your ass and I understand youíve got to work it out, but fuck...

10. Pissing away roughly 20 grand on booze and drugs. I might have had some good times but I canít really remember.

9. This new lame-ass power-pop trend. You fucking assholes suck and youíll never write better or more memorable tunes than ďLove SongsÖĒ era Queers or ďMy Brain HurtsĒ era Screeching Weasel. Shove your striped shirts up your candy-coated asses, ya poofs.

8. Stupid fucking scowling ďOh Gawd! Mattís hereÖĒ mealy-mouthed garage-fag cunts. You donít like me? Good. Stay the fuck out of my friendís houses! You think I canít hear you? Stupid fucking bitch!

7. The overuse of the word ĎNiggerí. Itís just not cool or funny. Hell, I still have friends that will knock your teeth down your throat for using the word. Whenís the last time one of you slimy pricks stood up for something you believe in so much youíll get down to fisticuffs?

6. The over-hyping of Toronto hardcore/punk bands by garage fans who know nothing about hardcore. Yeah, there are some gems in there but for the most part itís all mediocre formulaic rip off crap.

5. Waking up on strangerís floors.

4. Waking up alone in Pittsburgh in all your clothes when the first 2 nights were spent with a rad girl.

3. www.terminal-boredom.com

2. Girls falling for me over the things Iíve written in my zine and then realizing that I actually am that same guy that wrote all those stories/musings/observations and getting the hell out of dodge.

1. Tyvek, Headache City, Cococoma, MOTO, Tampoffs, Black Lips, Ponys, Submarine Races, King Khan & BBQ, Terminal State, Jay Reatard, Tunnel of Love, Social Cirkle, Brutal Knights, Miss Alex White and the Red whatever-the-fuck, Cheveu, Angry Angles, Tokyo Electron, Fashion Fashion and the Image Boys, Knaughty Knights of Memphis, Dead Moon, Destruction Unit, Golden Boys, Hip Shakes, Killdozer, Killerís Kiss, Rivercity Tanlines. I could go on but Iím bored and these stupid bands with stupid band names arenít really even worth writing about.


- Matt Coppens

Contact Matt: freakodepresso-at-hotmail.com