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Richard Adventure here, back again. This time with a powerful one on one rocker interview with Tony Sagger...

The mighty Tony Sagger (pic by Dave Anchovies)

Tony Sagger: Richard is a fag 'cause he canít figure out the speed on this tape player. Richard is a douche bag, and Steve Strange fucked my ass so hard. Anyway, that canít be in the interview...
RFA: So Iím with Tony Sagger now. Sitting on his living room floor with Flick the dog.
Tonys: Smoking weed...
RFA: We have a bowl packed, and weíre ready to talk. Deal with it. So Tony what is on yer agenda of rock at tonights Tyrades show?
Tonys: To puke on you.
RFA: This could happen, Husqvarna style.
Tonys: Husqvarna?
RFA: Husqvarna is a brand of chainsaw. It cuts through wood just like butter.
Tonys: What? I donít get it.
RFA: Husqvarna chainsaw, dude.
Tonys: I like chainsaws. Richard did you hit that?
RFA: I will now. What do you think Skullrider is doing right now?
Tonys: Hit that...
RFA: I will dude...
'Friends' fan Skullrider and his wife,  also known as the band Neon Hunk Tonys: Skullrider is probably sitting at home with his wife right now. Watching bad TV, maybe playing drums.
RFA: Do you think he likes the show ďFriendsĒ?
Tonys: I know they like the show ďFriends.Ē
RFA: Thatís fuckiní weak, man.
Tonys: Yeah whatever. Itís not my deal, I donít like ďFriends.Ē
RFA: Neither do I.
Tonys: Last time I talked to Skullrider is when the new Sagger 45 came out on Goodby Boozy. I was like, "Ya think I can see you? Iíll drop off a copy, 'cause Iíll be in Madison." That never happened, so I mailed him copies.
RFA: So is the Tony Sagger one man band ever gonna play again? What is going on with that?
Tonys: I donít know if Iíll ever play by myself again. I might at some point though, cuz I can play Night Terrors songs, Sagger songs, my own songs. I think Iím going to start the Tony Sagger one man band orchestra. We might have a different name, I donít know, but itís going to be me on guitar and bass and kick. My girlfriend will be on drums, very rudimentary drums, Ryan playing bass, Wendy playing piano, and Paul Reject playing guitar. Iím working on getting that together yet. I have shit I need to record. I just got a 4-track from Ryan. So Iíve got work to do.
The dearly departed and mega-talented Don Knotts RFA: Wild and mild. Tony Sagger is taking a toke.
Tonys: I did take a puff, and that bowl is done.
RFA: Letís pack another here dude...I gotta ask yer take on...on fuckiní ah...
Tonys: Whoís on my dick?
RFA: Whats yer take on Don Knotts?
Tonys: Isnít he dead?
RFA: No. (this was tragically taken before the sad death of the mighty Don Knotts)
Tonys: Heís not dead yet?
RFA: Fuck No! He is still rockiní with Dokken!
Tonys: Man I love "Andy Griffith."
RFA: Itís a fuckiní great show.
Tonys: Yeah itís one of my favorite shows ever. And ďThreeís CompanyĒ is another great show.
RFA: Fuck yeah! ďThreeís CompanyĒ rules. Who do you like better, Norman Fell as Mr. Roper, or Don Knotts as Mr. Furley?
Tonys: Don Knotts.
RFA: Really? Norman Fell is pretty killer though. They both have their moments.
Tonys: Just watch the one season of ďThe RopersĒ and youíll be set. When is that coming out on DVD?
RFA: I have no fucking clue? Remember the TV show ďThe White ShadowĒ?
Tonys: No.
RFA: Itís about this white guy who coaches a black high school basketball team. Itís a TV show from the 70ís...itís pretty epic.
Tonys: How old do you think I am?
RFA: Not as old as I am, but old enough...so whats yer take...er...what do you think Skullrider is doing right now?
Tonys: I told you already.
RFA: Oh, you asked me that question already.
Tonys: No, you asked me that question.
RFA: Tony Sagger, I told you I was drunk.
Tonys: Yer drunk.
The ultimate luchador, Mil Mascaras RFA: What is yer take on professional wrestling in general?
Tonys: Professional wrestling? You wanna know what I prefer right now is Mexican wrestling.
RFA: The luchadores.
Tonys: Yeah, because my side band Night Terrorists, my noise band...have you seen Night Terrorists?
RFA: No.
Tonys: I play drums,and Eric from Night Terrors plays guitar, and his brother sings, or I donít know what you call it. Noise! He makes farty sounds with his mouth or something. They're all into masks. Eric got this crazy mask at a thrift store for a dollar. They all wear masks, and we wear spandex, and weíre night terrorists. Mexican wrestling compared to American wrestling is that itís more exciting. They all wear masks, and itís like the noise of fucking wrestling. Itís kind of cool. I love rock-n-roll, but the noise prevails over that. Iím not saying that I like noise better. I love both noise and rock-n-roll.
RFA: What is yer take on David Hasselhoff?
Tonys: I donít have one.
RFA: Why not?
Tonys: Why should I.
RFA: Heís a fuckiní dude. Fuckiní ďNight RockerĒ dude.
Tonys: Calling him a dude doesnít mean he is cool. Knight Rider rules!
RFA: KITT was kind of a goofy fucker though. What is yer take on Todd Trickknee going to see the Intelligence tonight?
Tonys: Thatís great. I just talked to Lars though e-mail just about a wek ago. Night Terrors were figuring out this West Coast shit. We canít work it out this spring. So itís going to be in July. I asked for either the Intelligence or A-Frames for a few shows, and he said that he was in Europe for the first part of spring, but that's great for Todd. I love the Intelligence.
RFA: That new album destroys.
The Fonz jumping the shark... Tonys: A-Frames, Intelligence, Spits, Hunches, like any of the bands out there that can get out anytime, should. I know how it is, the Night Terrors should do the same thing, but itís hard. I canít tour consistently.
RFA: Tony Sagger, you have to keep Milwaukee stable.
Tonys: I know, but I donít. I stay off the radar, until I do something stupid.
RFA: Tony whatís yer take on ah...
Tonys: Ah...
RFA: Iím trying to hold back from laughing.
Tonys: Why?
RFA: I donít know.
Tonys: Laugh all you want. Laughing is funny and entertaining.
RFA: Let me take a drink.
Tonys: Yeah, take a drink. Drinking, laughing, and smoking dope is the best part of interviews.
RFA: This is true.
Tonys: And hanging out.
RFA: Whatís yer fuckiní take on ďHappy DaysĒ?
Tonys: I love it.
RFA: Itís a fuckiní wild show.
Photographic proof of the existence of the Night Terrors video. Tonys: Yeah, and itís based a few miles from where I grew up. Recently I lived less than a mile from there, or where itís supposedly based. Also, Henry Winkler rules.
RFA: Not only was he the Fonz, but he was the mind behind MacGyver.
Tonys: Whatís my take on pooping in other peoples pants? I love pooping in other peoples pants, but not my own pants.
RFA: Whatís yer take on Sherman Hemsley...from ďThe JeffersonsĒ?
Tonys: Heís good. He should be in one of our videos.
RFA: He should be strutting around and shit.
Tonys: Heíd probably want too much money though. We did a Night Terrors video for $200 bucks. It was in Montreal. We went on tour in October. We did the video and I dressed like Sasquatch. The dude who shot our video, David, he shot the King Kahn & BBQ ďFish FightĒ video.
RFA: I havenít seen the video yet. Is it on youtube?
Tonys: Yeah itís pretty easy to find links for it. Anyway I had to wear this Bigfoot looking mask with fur, and it had these antennas that stuck up, like 2 feet in the air. Man was it retarded.(Ed.: A semi-comprehensive web search did not unearth this elusive video. If anyone experiences a sighting of this mythic clip [or a sasquatch] please let us know)
RFA: Tony Sagger...Sasquatch.

Until next time...deal with it.

...soon after that take, I warped into Dimension X. I donít remember much after that, but I do know that I was woke up by The Angry Angles. Iíd like to thank Tony Sagger for the time, hawkwind, beer and the interview.

Interview by Richard Fucking Adventure
Pics borrowed from the interweb, except the live Sagger pic which was taken by local TB staff photographer Dave Anchovies

To read past Total Fucking Rocker installments go here.

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