Iíve was wanting to do an interview with Hue Blancís Joyless Ones for awhile now, and when they played with The Cuts, I knew an interview had to be done. I enlisted some help from K-Vint and Keith V. Also Todd Tricknee enlightens us on his birthday. One thing I did realize is the Joyless Ones are as mysterious as Hue Blanc himself. One by one each member disappeared during the interview.
RFA: Gus I know you donít like interviews, but I have at least one question for you. Tell me your best Tweety story.(Tweety is the only black guy to come out of Algoma.)
Gus: One day at a party, Tweety was so drunk, I donít know what he was trying to do. There was this big dog, it could have been a German Shepard or a rottweiler. I donít know if he was trying to fuck it or what, but it jumped up and bit him in the face. It killed his front tooth, and the tooth is purple to this day. He wonít get it fixed, cuz heís proud of that dog.
RFA: Weíre doing the rest of the interview without Gus now. Gus wants to drink, he said he wonít say a thing in the interview. I at least asked him about Tweety.
Ted: Which one did he tell you?
RFA: The story about Tweety getting bit by a dog, while he is trying to fuck it. Now his tooth is purple, and he is all proud of the dog and shit. Can you attest to this Ted?
Ted: Itís all true. I was there actually. He couldnít get it up or anything, but he tried.
RFA: Seriously though, whatís going on JFA?
JoshFromAlgoma: Right now we are discussing the logistics of an upcoming arrangement that we are going to have here in July. Itís Angina and the Arrhythmias. Hue Blanc is just a vehicle for Angina. Hue Blancís existence is to perpetuate...
KeithV: Whoah, killer. It sounds to me like you guys are trying for the classical music thing.
RFA: Speaking of classic music, and seeing as yer tour is entitled "Breakfast in America", what is yer take on Supertramp, Casey?
Casey: If you take a look at my girlfriend...sheís the only one I got. Sheís not much of a girlfriend.
Trickknee: Speaking of "Breakfast in America", do you remember eating in that diner in Indiana? They had the horse semen coleslaw, and you ate all of it.
Casey: I was disgusted by it, I didnít realize we were alotted more band funds.
Trickknee: Remember the old spooky guy that came in saying "Eastern seaboardís blacked out."?
Casey: And it was blacked out.
RFA: Donít you mean African-American-ed out? That is the politically correct term...zing!
Casey: Is there one or two of them? Two African-Americans together equal cancer free. It says so on a billboard in Milwaukee. Itís semi colon, a colon, and two elderly black people. Cancer free, colon. Itís by the BBQ place up off of 12th and North, I believe. We got rerouted one day.
KeithV: Were they happily married?
Trickknee: Youíre always getting rerouted.
Casey: The construction on 43 threw us off.
JFA: It was worth the trip into the ghetto to see that sign.
KeithV: ...In the ghetto...
RFA: Speaking of ghetto, what is yer take on the TV show ďGood TimesĒ?
Casey: Ah, "Good Times". Iím not familiar.
RFA: Jimmy Walker, dude.
Casey: I was a wee newt when that was on.
RFA: TV Land dude.
KeithV: DYNOMITE!...I made the red button get redder right when I yelled into it. Thatís a good tape recorder.
RFA: Yeah itís Steve Strange's recorder. Itís Japanese.
KeithV: Itís sensitive. Itís an emo tape recorder. It turns all red when you hit it and shit.
Trickknee: In the penis.
KeithV: In the penis.
RFA: Fuckiní wild. Hey itís Todd Kellner's birthday. Heís pretty old, but ya know.
Casey: werenít you born in the summer of '69?
KeithV: Is there any reason why you were born in '69?
Trickknee: What do you think, dude?
RFA: Kevin do you have any questions for Hue Blanc? Anything?
Casey: Well, actually, The Joyless Ones. Hue Blanc is not able to attend most of these functions.
Kevin: I was wondering, where is Hue Blanc right now?
Casey: He is currently in Waupun at the correctional facility.
RFA: Serving time.
Casey: Yeah serving time.
JFA: He could be on a conjugal visit in Taycheedah, one can never tell. He keeps his movements pretty secret.
KeithV: There should be a band called Waupun and a band called Taycheedah. They can be feuding prison bands.
RFA: Letís talk about Craig Burns...Little Napoleon.
Casey: We would like to do an album with the King of Algoma, Craiggy Burns. It would be called ďHue Blancs Joyless Ones Ė Minstrels to the King of AlgomaĒ. We would have Craig wearing a huge robe, and a crown with us surrounding him with instruments. Maybe we would have Gus holding some grapes, and Ted would have a goblet with some wine. Anyway Craig is a porn legend. Born and raised in mighty Algoma, the guy is four feet tall and 12 inches long. He is the one and only Craig Burns AKA Little Napoleon. I hope to someday become the second most famous porn star from Algoma.
RFA: There goes Casey, we are down to one member of the Joyless ones.
So JFA how was school this year?
JFA: School is officially out for the year.
RFA: Do you miss your class this year?
JFA: I do. I had ten boys and ten girls. I had a mix of the weird artsy types and this and that. Iím currently remodeling my bathroom at this time.
RFA: What is yer take on little bastards at your school?
JFA: Ah you know, there arenít any bad kids, just bad parents. If teaching has taught me anything itís that they're all products of the environment they grow up in. If you support a child and its upbringing, making reading and learning a priority, its going to make for an individual that is responsible. Also, life skills are very underrated. Do unto others as they would to you is a big thing we try and preach, and having responsibility for your own actions. Often times the first thing out of a childís mouth when you ask them for an explanation, itís somebody elseís name. And you need to teach them to take it upon themselves to understand what they might have done, and then fill in the details.
RFA: Deep. What do you think is going on at Grafís Mobile right now?
JFA: Ah, a whole lot of nothing. Probably some high school kids buying some cigarettes.
RFA: And yer take on the Algoma Penguins?
JFA: They're actually playing tonight. Itís ladies night on the porch, since we came to the show. They're drinking the Mike's Hard Lemonade, the reefer, and Iím sure they're having a good time. Talking about Tori Amos, douche, and flowers.
RFA: On that note, Algoma, Wisconsin...believe the dream.
HBJO on the web: here and here.
Interview by Richard Fucking Adventure
To read past Total Fucking Rocker installments go here.
Pics borrowed from the interweb
PREVIOUS PAGE HOME NEXT PAGE