Itís been quite a while since Iíve done a Total Rocker interview here at Terminal Boredom. The last one I did was We March, and that went missing in action before I could get it to Rich. I knew I needed to get one done, and who better than Aluminum Knot Eye. Knowing I could get a stellar interview with the guys of AKE, we began downing a bunch of beer at their show in Green Bay. This is what happened when the recorder started...
Cast of Characters:
RFA: Richard Fucking Adventure
Keith: vox/guitar AKE
Jon: drums AKE
Bill: bass AKE
Mark: guitar AKE
Trickknee: Southern Wisconsin gadabout
Mike Zink: WI band dude
BradX: Ape with Attidue
Amber: Mrs. Ape
Keith: Is this recording? So the thing about Neil Diamond is that "Coming to America" song. It is the most inspirational thing for your childhood. Your parents are playing it in the morning, and you're jumping around like itís the greatest thing ever. ďTODAY...TODAYĒ.
RFA: This Neil Diamond shirt does kick ass, but thatís beside the point. So guys what is your take on being in Green Bay tonight at the Crunchy Toad?
Keith: It is very much an honor to keep playing in Green Bay. There was a time when this was the only city that supported us.
Jon: It was Timebomb Tom Smith that really gave us our start.
Keith: Timebomb Tom is the svengali. S-V-E-...
Trickknee: Letís talk more about Tom Smith.
Bill: He needs a mullet.
RFA: Yeah, what is your take on Tom Smith getting kicked out of that Touch & Go fest?
Keith: Tom Smith, when he got kicked out of the Killdozer show...like a minute before he got kicked out of the show, well not a minute before he got kicked out...during the show Tom came up to me and said that he loved me. Then I told him I loved him too. He started moving towards the front, me I kinda stayed to the back. I was enjoying Killdozer where I was at. Then some fuckiní indie rock pussies tried starting shit with him. He had to deal with them, and got kicked out. They should have been the ones kicked out instead 'cuz they're indie rock pussies. Thatís what a lot of the people were like at the show. It was just great though. I mean Killdozer are so important.
RFA: Speaking of pussies, what is your take on Todd Kellner being the only person from Milwaukee here besides you guys?
Keith: Well, Todd Kellner does get a lot of pussy from different avenues. He kind of comes along on some trips with us, he makes sure to keep us in line.
Bill Todd is like a babysitter or an overseer of sorts. Todd has got a good eye.
Keith: Todd has two eyes not just one eye.
RFA: Ya want to know why nobody from Riverwest is here right now?
Mark: Thatís bullshit, I fuckiní grew up in Riverwest. Iím right here.
RFA: Humor me Mark. Just go with the flow, just go with the flow...
Keith: Tell us why?
RFA: It's 'cuz they're all too hip to up north to Green Bay!
Keith: No fuckiní shit. This is the three best bands in all of Wisconsin, playing in one night. Itís like a lifetime has built up for this show. Ivan and the Terribles, Hue Blancís Joyless Ones, and Aluminum Knot Eye, how much better can you get than that? All the other bands are fuckiní playing pop punk and jangly shit right now, as fuckiní usual! Since the time we started, itís been the same shit. The three bands tonight define Wisconsin. Everybody should fuckiní bow down to us, those faggots.
RFA: On that note, what is your take on Lee Van Cleef?
Keith: Lee Van Cleef is the baddest motherfucker. There are lots of guys named Lee that are bad ass, Lee Hazelwood and Lee Marvin. Lee Van Cleef is tall, balding, has intense eyes and a great moustache. He could gun down any motherfucker real fuckiní great.
Trickknee: Speaking of moustaches, what is your take on the bait lady in Muckwonago?
Keith: Oh, the bait lady in Muckwonago. Me and Todd went fishing...
Keith: Itís pronounced Muckwonago.
RFA: Whatever. Anyway, my lady and I ate there on the way to my brother's house. He lives north of Chicago, and then on the way home we ate at a restaurant in Muckwonago.
Keith: Muckwonago, its Muckwonago.
Mark: Muckwonago girls do it best. In college I had a girlfriend or two from Muckwonago, theyíre a lot of fun.
Keith: Maybe it was the bait lady. We bought some bait from Muckwonago Sport. I bought my fishing license there too, 'cuz me and Todd had a fishing date. The chick selling the bait was kind of hot in a cute nice way.
Jon: She was an alright looking babe.
Keith: So it was cool, she kind of had a moustache and we thought she might have the hairy thighs even, but it was still good. She might be some fun.
RFA: Where are some of your favorite places to fish? South Vs. North, which do you think has better fishing?
Keith: South Vs. North, huh?
RFA: Ya know of any good places around the area where youíre at? Or would you rather go up north fishing?
Keith: North is always better. Over the past weekend I caught about a hundred fish up in Vilas County. I live in the south so me and Todd tried a bunch of different places. Weíre just trying to get away from people and try to catch fish which is always impossible. Muckwonago River has many different species of fish. Muckwonago is kind of a decent area to try.
Keith: MUCKWONAGO! Muckwonago is definitely an area to try. Thatís all I have to say. There are other places with too many people, and the fish stink like poop.
RFA: When are we gonna go fishing? The dudes Todd, you, myself and anyone else that has the balls to fish. I know some good spots to fish.
Keith: I know you know some good central Wisconsin spots. Iíd like to check that out sometime. There are lots of flowages and rivers.
RFA: I got a cottage we can stay at.
Keith: I got a cottage in Vilas County. We could do like a tour, a fishing tour! Iím up for that. You got to learn to adapt to various fishing locations, different baits, and different presentations.
RFA: I just watched the movie 'Class of 1984' with Timothy Van Patten. Whatís your take on that?
Keith: That movie rules! The Alice Cooper song is kind of wimpy. The theme song, I donít remember how it goes but I know there was synthesizers. The movie is so violent and great. Like when Timothy Van Patten gets hung cuz he falls at the end.
RFA: Speaking of Timothy Van Patten, he was on a TY show with Lee Van Cleef called The Master.
RFA: Lee Van Cleef was a ninja who was teaching Timothy Van Patten his ways. Do you remember The White Shadow?
Keith: I havenít seen it.
Mark: That show was awesome.
Keith: Todd, Mark has an opinion.
Mark: You know, growing up in Milwaukee I went to a public school, so I got familiar with basketball really quick. So I got down with The White Shadow 'cuz it was white guys who could play, and they had a white coach. It was awesome!
RFA: Timothy Van Patten played the role of ďSalamiĒ.
Mark: Yes. Those Van Pattenís had an empire. Eight is Enough and The White Shadow.
RFA: Itís Mike Zink. Do you have anything to say?
Mike Z: About what?
Mike Z: Anything? Thatís kind of overwhelming.
RFA: Mike Zink, you're recording the next Aluminum Knot Eye record. Whatís your take on that?
Mike Z: I am proud and honored. That is all Iíve got to say right now.
RFA: If you guys need a new keyboardist, I just got a Yamaha PSR-150 at a rummage sale.
Keith: Itís either you or BradX, and BradX was fucking shining tonight.
RFA: Yeah well Iím scratching my ass, so you know how that works.
Keith: We want two keyboard players. To make up for what Maciek did, you need two.
RFA: Speaking of Maceck, whatís your take on Christian truck stops opposed to regular truck stops.
Keith: My only comment is...PICK JESUS!
RFA: Do you like regular truck stops 'cuz they have tapes of Eddie Rabbitt and stuff like that?
Keith: Eddie Rabbitt would be a good punk band.
RFA: Conway Twitty?
Keith: I like Jerry Reed a lot. ďEast Bound and DownĒ yaí know, and "Smokey and the BanditĒ. Jerry Reed fuckiní rocks the guitar too.
Trickknee: Whatís your take on Conway Twitty, Richard?
RFA: Conway Twitty is a total dude and a humping machine.
Keith: Conway Twitty got so much pussy that we would never see that amount.
Trickknee: Thereís a porno called 'Conway Titty'.
RFA: What, about C.W. McCall?
Keith: I got the full album.
Trickknee: Isnít he in Manheim Steamroller?
Keith: Was he?
Mark: Yeah, how about Cameron Manheim Steamroller?
RFA: So I went to a rummage sale the other day, and somebody must have really loved Liberace. Whatís your take on that homo?
Keith: I live in the same town he grew up in.
Mark: West Allis.
Bill: West Allis!
Keith: There are few flamboyant people that still live there.
Trickknee: Arenít there stories about how all the ladies didnít know he was gay?
Keith: Yeah, itís kind of funny.
Trickknee: I was his house in Palm Springs. I was on a bus.
Keith: I was at a grocery store the other day and I saw some old ladies that I think were gay. Ya know, old lesbian ladies hanging out in West Allis.
RFA: Letís talk about the God Bullies.
Keith: YES! Letís go to hell! Itís the opening track on their second record 'Dog Show', and itís a very good record.
Bill: LETíS GO TO HELL!
Keith: I met Mike Hard.
Bill: LETíS GO TO HELL!
Keith: He was playing in one of his later bands. We drank and smoked together, and he was pretty fuckiní cool. We talked about fishing, and other shit. Mike Hard is a crazy tall guy with bug eyes. He is very much an influence on my vocal styling. Best AmRep ever, better than all the other ones.
Trickknee: Halo of Flies.
Keith: No you're wrong Todd, it's God Bullies.
Trickknee: Prove it.
Bill: Todd is wrong.
Keith: Sorry to say Richard, they are even better than the Cows.
RFA: I love all those bands.
Keith: Mike Hard is a little bit more on the edge than those other guys. He is the combination of two things: very intelligent and very crazy.
Trickknee: Like Roy Oden...like Keith Vercauteran.
Keith: Like Casey Buhr, like Kevin De Broux.
Bill: Mike Zink. Oh, heís right there.
RFA: Whatís your take on Chuck Norris?
Keith: My take on Chuck Norris is Lee Marvin could kick his ass.
Bill: And Lee Van Cleef.
Trickknee: Anybody named Lee.
Keith: Lee Olson even...well maybe not.
RFA: Hey BradX, what is your take on the pizza delivery business in 2009? I used to work at Dominoís back in the day.
BradX: The economy and gas prices are killing everybody these days. The economy is bad so people tip less, and the gas prices...not only do they hurt the driver, but youíre paying for your own gas, and the mileage reimbursement doesnít go up at all. Also the people buying the pizza have to pay for gas, so they tip less. Then you get those letís make a deal customers.
Amber: The price of cheese goes up, and the cost for all the other ingredients goes up too. Then you have management tell you not to play letís make a deal so then you donít offer the discounts or specials. At regular price a customer is paying close to thirty dollars for a seven topping pizza.
RFA: Fuckiní bullshit!
RFA: What is your take on Lou Ferrigno?
Amber: Who the fuck is that?
Keith: Isnít he like the Incredible Hulk?
Trickknee: He does a lot of cameos now.
RFA: Anything else you wanna say?
Trickknee: Sherman Hemsley is pretty cool.
RFA: Sherman Hemsley is pretty cool. What about Jimmy Walker?
Keith: I want to preserve something. Me and Gus talked about this. Have a full compilation of bands doing the Hammís "beer refreshing" theme song. Have a different voice over for each song. Itís gotta be done.
Trickknee: Richard, you're part Indian, you can do it.
RFA: My Indian name is Chief Sits Around. I wear my head dress and carry a dream catcher wherever I go. On that note, I did like to say goodnight. Any last words before where done?
Keith: Cum Fart.
Trickknee: Cum sponge fart.
Mark: Thanks brah!
Jon: Motherfuck your doggy.
RFA: Bill yer killing me here.
Aluminum Knot Eye on the web: here , here and here.
Interview by Richard Fucking Adventure
To read past Total Fucking Rocker installments go here.
Pics borrowed from the interweb